The warming up of the environment is one of my favorite fucking feelings in the world. I feel compelled to swear to emphasis the point. There is just so much nostalgia surrounding good times, being outside. Last summer, god last summer was phenomenal. The romance of that summer will forever be a cherished memory of mine.(in a letter to lauren: Six months have passed since the best summer of my life, the simple joys that made up our romance that summer will forever be ones that I long for. I just wanted to share that with you now in hopes that it brings you the same peaceful joy. ) are one I w I just feel so compelled to share this with someone! I wanna sit outside all the time, its just such feeling. Even after all the increases in vocabulary I’m no better at putting my feelings into words. lol. I wanna tell Lauren, I wanna tell Bob I wanna tell Hannah! I think that is what it is, whenever I run into something that makes me think of somebody and a specific time I feel compelled to share that with them and reminisce briefly. and the summer is the biggest fucking time period to associate experiences with. I mean I wanna text preston and say remember that time we were tripping on mario and luigi power ups and biking around and eventually going to Sams/Kjells house? Like ahhhhh. Let me have those times back, let me forever live that paradise. Maybe that is the draw of such a life in perfect weather. Sometimes I wonder if I could harness this sense of wonder if I lived in a climate that was near perfect all the time. What does that look like? or is that just a facade that I’ve been sold by Florida/Arizona ambassadors. Do those places exist? Id like to find out. Ill see ya later, but know that I’m leaving now with a smile on my face and the urge to do anything but relish in the warmth of the world 🙂
So a problem with modern day psychology is that it seems to be over publicized as a useless liberal arts degree that everyone has. “You can do anything with it but serve coffee”
Another problem is that normal people, outside the world of psychology, don’t see it usefulness. They can either minimize psychologies claims to “folk wisdom” or “I already knew that” Here is the trouble, psychology doesn’t want to be considered only folk lore, relying on general observations that seek to explain how everything works in one theory. They are trying their damnedest to become a legitimate science, like chemistry or physics, and that prohibits a lot of peoples understandings because your no longer using every day vocabulary. See when psychology first started in the early 20th century, you had psychologist trying to explain the entire scope of human nature with their theories. This leads to one major problem: there was no way for you to falsify these theories. They are based a single persons observations about the world and they are made to make sense of everything, no matter how “far out” their ideas. This is where you find a lot of the common folk lore language and admittently a lot of it makes sense, I get it. Psychology decided it wanted to be a science so they scrapped that model and started running empirical tests. Tests that could be proven wrong or right, depending on the data. The data was the key to a right answer. AND EVEN THEN! one study does not make something true. In fact it takes several studies, all producing similar data, all of their methods reviewed by their peers to explain one little piece of a puzzle. Never has one study proven anything, only added to the collection of knowledge to use for asking the next set of questions.
How would you describe these guys and their work? Its a nice balance between practicality and environmental conservation. Although they call seek a goal of being carbon negative, offsetting all of their carbon emissions with funding for trees to be planted in ecuador, they are not pompous about it. They are very down to earth and compete towards this goal quietly. They are not boastful nor degrading towards those that are not. Its a wise, mature trot toward their goals. Not seeking constant attention and praise for their efforts.. how do you find that balance.. is that the the balance that one should seek to fine? If you seek to find a balance between constant attention and forward progress are you accepting those two alternative premisses as the only options.
How did I see chipotle doing it differently? They didn’t really go about boasting their stats all that much. They did it in store with their incredible business model and customer service. They provided a service that people felt was an incredible deal, a huge burrito for 7 bucks. This burrito was delicious! perfectly crafted AND you could get it until 10pm and made to order within 5 minutes of walking into the store. How does it get better than that in the restaurant world? Does the stores physical atmosphere matter that much? not really, as long as it wasn’t appealing. HERE is the thing. It was a new kind of business model, this fast casual. I think that model works (AS LONG AS YOUR NOT THE CREAMERY)
It seems that I have no trouble finding love. I am a young attractive male and I think that has a lot to do with it. I think I am so hesitant because I’m not sure that I am ready for another serious relationship. How does one end a serious relationship? Start to not give a shit about the other person and drift away spinelessly? I need human connection but I’ve done a fairly poor job of being able to do that without coming up against the barrier that is love. That continued affection for another person that complicates things.
Something I realized today was the I have many conflicting values. Some are telling me to hunker down and solely focus on my future and others are saying to go enjoy life. I know I need to be able to do both but then what do I cut out? all the endless bullshit from Facebook? stupid people? Do I just focus on building meaningful relationships with my small circle now? or do I cut these ties once more and leave myself with no support system..
So I moved out of my apartment in a flurry of panic. I thought I was going to have to come up with extra money to pay for tuition and it turns out that I only need to come up with 600 dollars. We doesn’t seem like a whole lot but I literally didn’t ad a thing to my bank account this past semester. Although I do spend quite a bit of money on new relationships.. making new friends is expensive lol what I’m trying to say is that I totally over reacted, which is something I pride myself on not doing, and moved out prematurely. Its kind of made things way over complicated, I guess I did it in a very backwards way. Instead of trying to further simplify my life I made it more complicated by trying to exploit a bunch of loop holes in my life, which effectively results in exploiting people.
I guess in this situation I just started to focus on the negatives of the situation and didn’t really realize all of the great things I had going for me at that house. AT THE SAME TIME, I no longer have to deal with Conor living in the kitchen. Which was a very constant annoyance and I think thats what caused it to swell up and for me to become motivated to move out. That every day reminder of him there… when in ALL TRUTH, i never even tried to get him to leave the kitchen. So, ya know. Ive been doing a pretty bad job of doing the things that I would tell myself to do in these situations.
I wonder what thats about… I want to say its because I’m very busy and stretched thing across a lot of different sectors of my life. So this leaves me always having to juggle things. Something that allowed me to be so dogmatic in the past was the incredible simplicity of my life situation. Having mass amounts of free time, not really worried about things. This is very similar to how I imagine life was like back 150 years ago where you have people living life just enough to survive. This allowed people plenty of free time to debate and think, when there weren’t so many distractions and one had to focus on something. Bringing about the focus of morals/values.
I really do need to get back to simplifying my life. Maybe just keeping things simple, not worrying about things, just doing them. Ya know, that easy thing you can say in one sentence but have to practice your whole life?
As I sit here, unfettered by the expectations to get belligerent tonight, I contemplate my past two weeks out of school. A better way of phrasing school would be my normal routine. Nothing about these past two weeks has been normal, I got a car and started driving everywhere I went. Places that I once only biked, I now drove. I visited home 4 or 5 times, sometimes only for a single, 2 hour event. I ate a bunch of food that is not normal in my diet: frozen pizza, cheez-its, oreos, ham, turkey and pork. I played hours of video games and got high several times. Not to mention the copious amounts of drinking, lots of drinking. Sometimes for nothing.
Then, or now, on my first real day off. A day I didn’t sign myself up for anything and turned two invitations down. I have the login information for Netflix, so obviously I immediately went to that. These past few mornings I have been laying in bed just kind of questioning what I was doing with my life and trying to wrestle with all the possibilities of my future. Its been slightly debilitating and paralyzing. I was reminded today, after turning off Netflix that I can make the choices I want in my life very simply, I just need to do them. I can begin anywhere and I may not get to where I imagined myself getting there but as long as I can carry happiness with my on my journey I can be satisfied. See I have this weird, sometimes seemingly apathetic view on life; where I just feel like anything is possible. Any life story is possible, farmer, laborer, community activist, city planner, or city council member or dad. Doesn’t really matter. As long as I can maintain a balance and harmony within my own life and not just let it pass me by. How can one do that, idk? by finding peace with their actions and not carrying too heavy of a load.
Ive seen and lived and felt the feelings of living a happy fulfilling life with the wife. Spending all your time with them, loving every moment of it. Even the good and the bad. Ive also lived the fully driven life where you go into work, day in and day out trying to achieve a vision and being so dedicated to that singular path so that the rest of your life suffers. I told myself that I was over that period in my life, the hustle and bustle. Now I’m right back in it because of school and my obsession with graduating next spring. So I’m caught back up in this life of trying to go go go and so I feel these internal pressures to live that life; but the other half of me says slow down. I did just that mid November, I slowed down. I took my foot off the pedal that was crushing my skull against the curb trying to force me to be perfect. Then I took a breath and here I am, fighting that balance. Now I’m not stressed out with all of these things that I was telling myself I needed to do. Im lost with what to do with my free time. Its spent mostly watching TDS, on Facebook or now, thankfully with other people. I lost the backbone that I had been creating with Lauren. The momentum building my character, at least it used to be at the forefront of my thought process but without the time for it to be there, I’ve lost the train of thought. — When i talk about my ability to not continue to think about it, is that really the case? Can I not, or am I just making an excuse? I would like to think that these things I consume my time with are only habits that I have formed, a product of my times. Id like to break them entirely but that is so isolating, very few feel that pull to live life to its absolute fullest. Especially at my age, and if they are, its only for the pursuit of money which I find to be a conflict of interest. Ill be back to this one, done for today. Finals are calling.