As I sit here, unfettered by the expectations to get belligerent tonight, I contemplate my past two weeks out of school. A better way of phrasing school would be my normal routine. Nothing about these past two weeks has been normal, I got a car and started driving everywhere I went. Places that I once only biked, I now drove. I visited home 4 or 5 times, sometimes only for a single, 2 hour event. I ate a bunch of food that is not normal in my diet: frozen pizza, cheez-its, oreos, ham, turkey and pork. I played hours of video games and got high several times. Not to mention the copious amounts of drinking, lots of drinking. Sometimes for nothing.
Then, or now, on my first real day off. A day I didn’t sign myself up for anything and turned two invitations down. I have the login information for Netflix, so obviously I immediately went to that. These past few mornings I have been laying in bed just kind of questioning what I was doing with my life and trying to wrestle with all the possibilities of my future. Its been slightly debilitating and paralyzing. I was reminded today, after turning off Netflix that I can make the choices I want in my life very simply, I just need to do them. I can begin anywhere and I may not get to where I imagined myself getting there but as long as I can carry happiness with my on my journey I can be satisfied. See I have this weird, sometimes seemingly apathetic view on life; where I just feel like anything is possible. Any life story is possible, farmer, laborer, community activist, city planner, or city council member or dad. Doesn’t really matter. As long as I can maintain a balance and harmony within my own life and not just let it pass me by. How can one do that, idk? by finding peace with their actions and not carrying too heavy of a load.