Ive seen and lived and felt the feelings of living a happy fulfilling life with the wife. Spending all your time with them, loving every moment of it. Even the good and the bad. Ive also lived the fully driven life where you go into work, day in and day out trying to achieve a vision and being so dedicated to that singular path so that the rest of your life suffers. I told myself that I was over that period in my life, the hustle and bustle. Now I’m right back in it because of school and my obsession with graduating next spring. So I’m caught back up in this life of trying to go go go and so I feel these internal pressures to live that life; but the other half of me says slow down. I did just that mid November, I slowed down. I took my foot off the pedal that was crushing my skull against the curb trying to force me to be perfect. Then I took a breath and here I am, fighting that balance. Now I’m not stressed out with all of these things that I was telling myself I needed to do. Im lost with what to do with my free time. Its spent mostly watching TDS, on Facebook or now, thankfully with other people. I lost the backbone that I had been creating with Lauren. The momentum building my character, at least it used to be at the forefront of my thought process but without the time for it to be there, I’ve lost the train of thought. — When i talk about my ability to not continue to think about it, is that really the case? Can I not, or am I just making an excuse? I would like to think that these things I consume my time with are only habits that I have formed, a product of my times. Id like to break them entirely but that is so isolating, very few feel that pull to live life to its absolute fullest. Especially at my age, and if they are, its only for the pursuit of money which I find to be a conflict of interest. Ill be back to this one, done for today. Finals are calling.